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Sunday, January 30th, 2011

Subject:The answers. It makes me wonder...
Time:1:20 am.
Mood: contemplative.
As we close on the First 31 of 2011. I still often wonder....Why me? Why am I where I am today?

Mind you, its just two questions I ask myself, forget the answers, and remember them days later. Why me? Well, its pretty simple really, I'm under the impression I was put here to change people's universes one conversation at a time. Weather this is true or not, has yet to be seen. I've realized, that I have the doubled edged ability to create...modify...and destroy worlds as I see fit. We all live in our own little world, that continues to get smaller and smaller the more we realize that people out there know one another. To have people out there, who could change that just a little bit, can result in various results. The destruction of said worlds speaks for itself, just be mean, degrading, and down right rude. While they will still live on without you, there will be a scar placed in their world. Its definitely something I'm not too proud of. For I wish a many days, I could just have people be cool with me and I don't have to go there to do that to them...but...things happen for a reason.

Why am I where I am today? This is a hit or miss question to answer...since there are so many factors of why I'm doing alright and other factors of why I'm not. The short answer at this time, is due to my determination to win and trying really hard not to quit or give up before its all said and done.

The latter concept is one I try to pass onto others who are unfamiliar with how it works. There's quite a few friends of mine who want to give up before its over. Just call upon the negative and move on with their day. Another tough ability to acquire is turning a full on negative into something positive. It took me over 10 years to figure out that one, and I still struggle with it sometimes. It may be a little strange being outside the box...but you'll get used to it for the better I can assure you.

If I've learned all of this within the last 3 years, being half the person I used to be, I can only imagine what life will be like when I'm whole again. 35lbs lighter...that's for sure. :-P

I'll be making these kinds of posts in the near future pending how I feel while typing it up...
Say Meh

Wednesday, January 27th, 2010

Subject:Such true words
Time:3:19 am.
you'll get the nice girl
keep thinking the way you do
its smart and its right
stop putting yourself last

put yourself first, i know it sounds selfish outloud but its the best thing you can do ... you have needs , desires and only you can meet them ... when you're feeling good and 100% you're more able to help others

give them the best of who you are - G.G.

Thanks lady, Our souls are connected even though we have never seen each other or even embraced. I'm very happy to have you as a friend, and I hope we will maintain this connection forever.
4 peoples say meh| Say Meh

Monday, November 2nd, 2009

Subject:Reflection of Yaoi-Con 2009
Time:11:36 pm.
Mood: calm.
So.

Now that it's all said and done, dust cleared, excitement past, I wonder if I presented my persona correctly.

Cut for Your pleasure.Collapse )
Say Meh

Sunday, August 23rd, 2009

Subject:hmm...show time?
Time:10:12 pm.
5 days till i roll out to this show.

i'm on to lend my experienced hand.
still slated to be spinning at their rave as well.

now we press thru this work week. and be ready for showtime.

got my room , got my boys, gonna get my booze, and make this party happen.

although, i'm still reserving feelings edgewise, since i'm not one to get excited till its on and poppin.

it saves me from let down if there's any to be had.

even the most simple mentally, could understand that. if they can't i dunno what to tell em...
Say Meh

Wednesday, August 19th, 2009

Subject:Frustration....the root of my evil
Time:12:20 am.
Mood: frustrated.
So...

i'm supposed to be leading my experienced hand at a show in a couple weeks.

as it stands right now 9 days to be precise, i'm unofficial to work, or to spin at said show.

its very frustrating to me since i'm so used to a structured way of pre-show antics. we nail down details on who's down to work, what they can bring to the show, and how its going to be set up...a month or so in advance.

run it for anywhere between 2 to 4 days, pack up and go home. show well done. that doesn't seem to be the case for this event...

there are some on my lists who will know what i'm talking about, but for everyone else who doesn't know i'm not going to say specifics. for those who do know what i'm talking about...you are open to acknowledge my feelings on another source.

the best way for me to handle the situation has been said to say nothing negative at all, or if i plan to give negative feedback, have logical rhyme and reason on why i'm saying such things.

i don't know how capable i'll be of doing so should things turn aloof...so as it stands i'm going to try my best to walk away from destroying anyone that doesn't deserve it.

it's a flaw in my character i'm trying to use less of...and by trying, i mean reminding myself every 5 minutes to take a deep breath and keep my cool.

should i lose my cool, everything within my reach will be broken, hurt, or have some sort of noticeable damage upon it.

and i can't have that. i'm already feared and loved at the same time, i can't afford to have the fear escalate any higher than it already is.

for those who love me tho, wish me luck and keep me in your prayers. i feel i'll need all the help i can get that weekend...

Friday, July 10th, 2009

Subject:hey folks, question for ya.
Time:2:39 am.
Mood: curious.
out of curiosity.

what do you do with a person (or group of people for that matter) that considers themselves a friend(s) to you, but you feel they are secretly trying to hold you back in fear of being inferior to you?

all opinions are welcomed.
4 peoples say meh| Say Meh

Tuesday, March 24th, 2009

Subject:This power....but how?
Time:1:47 am.
Mood: calm.
I recently took a vacation to visit a buddy of mine in Oregon. I came back, oddly, with a newer view of my persona, feeling as if something new has become a part of me. What that addition is, i and others could ask, i have no clue...

i feel good. i mean really good. i made the grim realization that i have been the only person (as everyone has told me, years gone by) to stop myself from getting where i want to go.

albeit, this feeling shouldn't go questioned, but i feel obligated to know what was the origin. strange but true.

seeing as the feeling took this long to come about (24years and 10months, for those keeping score), the answer will most likely take just as long. not like it'll bother me to wait for such an answer or a perfect stranger to come along and say something to point me in the right direction.

none the less, i feel powerful, my aura is visible by my eye, and i'm sure can be felt by others and its not like in a rushed or in a super desperate mode, but in a cool relaxed 'i can handle this' mode.

i'm only hoping its not a phase but something that will stick with me. Alot of maybes and could bes float wildly aboot...at this time tho....i'm paying them no mind until the real answer surfaces.

wish me luck folks, who knows what will happen in that combo of mine known as mind body and soul.

i feel that it'll be a positive product regardless of scenario, seems its heading that direction as is.
Say Meh

Monday, December 22nd, 2008

Subject:The Influence of Hip-hop in japan
Time:7:57 pm.
Mood: hopeful.
so...i've been in the hunt for any japanese hip-hop or rap from the 80s & 90s, during the 'golden age' of rap, due to an idea that hit during a Fanimecon meeting.

while i was hunting around, i came across a couple articles that told how strong of an influence the style was over in the land of the raising sun. it told about how, japanese were exposed to african/african-american people back in the 16th century and was told by (who'd a guess this...) westerners that it was ok to deem them as subordinates.

so, that further proves how i've inquired where does it say in history black people are bad and are worthless? it was the man...straight up.

none the less, i guess this is one 'rumor' i can suppress. its true that japanese appreciate black people who their style and grace, there's no reason for me to believe they want to hate on us, more or less they wanna be a part of the 'cool kid' crowd. but yeah, i still need help locating any info, video or audio wise on the who's who in japanese rap. i mean i got dj krush, but i need more than that obviously.

this is the shit i need to hear about to give me hope in life...since sometimes it feels like all hope is lost.
2 peoples say meh| Say Meh

Sunday, November 2nd, 2008

Subject:halloween 2k8, everything i really wanted all year...
Time:11:38 pm.
Mood: okay.
friday, halloween, threw on my old karate gi as a backup costume for work. split shift worked, open for 4 hours, closed for 4 hours. no parties, no candy, bedtime: before Midnight. (a first in a long while)

saturday, worked open to close, went to the S.H.A.G.'s 1st Annual Resident Evil 'Charity' Marathon. got there around 9pm, Big O was on his 38th hour...i tagged myself in right before the end of the first disc of Resident Evil:Code Veronica and proceeded to sit there for 11hrs to finish that up for the team.

Sunday, left S.H.A.G. HQ around 11am, during the beginning of Resident Evil Zero, handled business at the house, napped, and awoke to a scoreless raider game.

and for the record, i hate standard time. oh well, maybe it'll be better as the years pass.

last year i was en route to having a girlfriend.
this year i am becoming a 'spray hitter' and taking it all base hits over the field.

November gaming forecast: Busy with a chance of Burning tires, Blown Amps, and broken tables.

SvR 09
Need for Speed Undercover
Beatmania IIDX: DJ Troopers

nuff said.

the 09 season should be promising.

under 60 days left of 08, such a strange and yet well learned year of events. i look forward to the next challenging lesson learned.
Say Meh

Friday, September 12th, 2008

Subject:The Depression of Reality
Time:2:42 am.
Mood: hopeful.
the depression of reality...

there are parts in our lives that hurt us...more so than any cut, more so than set of words or set of painful movements. its that part of our lives that we can't live without and we feel it can't live without us.

for some, its food, others sex, and less trivial things like reading, walking or simply breathing.

mine...heh, mine is riding the winds on the highway.

its not even so much of a thrill as it is, something that makes me feel more alive inside and out. pushing the four wheels in timely unison with hand, eye and foot coordination, puts me at ease. the current grim reality of it is, i am without my car for blindly chasing a woman around, without even taking myself into consideration. my wants, my needs, my aspirations were replaced with the wholesome(or what i felt at that time) physical tender love and care. foolish was i to think that such wonderful things didn't come without a hefty price.

now...that i'm alone (in the companion sense) with a vast field of majority ahead of me, and my ex trailing ever so closely behind me, boosted up through the hard wired mainframe to her mind's content, i often wonder many questions such as where am i going? what am i doing? is this the proper way to go? the answers to such questions is uncertain. the answer that resides profoundly, is the concept that me and my da9, my other half of myself thats irreplaceable, will ride the winds once again, with new poise, new valor and new purpose.

the depression of this reality, is the question involved. up until this point, i've always wanted an answer, always needed to acquire knowledge to find my answers, i'm accepting the ideal that my answers are inside of me most of the time, and others, will unfold right before my very eyes. now, another quest, for the mental power struggle between myself, and others, will continue on in full force, more challenging than the previous, and more simpler as well.

its a reality of depression i'll just have to accept, work on, forge, and work through it.

i will win, there's no accepting less as this concludes this depression of reality.
Say Meh

Wednesday, April 23rd, 2008

Subject:do i really need one of these? life sucks...we all know that
Time:4:54 pm.
Mood: Lost.
if that doesn't sum it up, the long version will just give it more justice.

its official, i will be without the navy street underground lair. its foreclosed and back to the bank, and we are in the mist of a two week notice. so, i'll be floatin around till somethin comes up.

my car has a blown head gasket, so the old boy is down yet again. everytime i consider risking trying to fix it myself, i chicken out either by not having what i need or just flat out afraid. and paying nearly 1400 to fix it at a shop is just insane.

in most cases, significant others (just to keep it general) are usually supportive of any good or bad idea you may have, right? in my current case, not so much. she isn't very supportive and says the same shit she needs to follow herself.

but then again, i've been with her for nearly 5 months now, so i guess it doesn't bother me too badly. hell if i know why i put up with her nonsense and yet be so supportive of anything she says, regardless of its value.

we have concluded that everyone who is bad and does bad things, get away with it everytime (most of the time in my view, it can't always be everytime) and the good people, just get trampled and left for dead pretty much.

and its true, if you get too much change back at the store, and never come back, its a typical view of he said, she said, and no one will do much of anything about it, proof or not.

oh well, that's life i'm seeing it. i better train myself so i can take the trample and get up when they have their fun at my expense.
Say Meh

Monday, March 10th, 2008

Subject:what a crazy sunday...
Time:12:44 am.
Mood: numb.
so ok, sunday right? happy day light saving time

starts out right. get with my lady in the morning, hooked up with cuff n stuff. went to the fanime meeting.

got there at 12:30pm

parked in the free parking garage.

came back at 3:30pm

my car stereo* was stolen. along with the other car next to me, and older integra. so that left me more confused than mad.

current status: out of one dj reign 2008 mix cd

they didn't take my tools, nor my money laying about, or my trunk for that matter.

after recovering from the shock of that, we left for sunnyvale golfland.

revived my evo 8 MR. works nicely.

hung out by the iidx machine, and pow...the lights went out.

so we ended up going to milpitas and concluded the evening.

so yeah. fucked up day i say

*oh and the fuck tard who took my jansen cd deck. congrats and enjoy that piece of shit. thanks.
1 people say meh| Say Meh

Friday, February 29th, 2008

Subject:happy carl lewis day
Time:12:25 pm.
Mood: bouncy.
yeah...i said it, carl lewis the most homosexual metrosexual darkest triple leaping bean i've ever seen.

leap year bitches....handle that.

enjoy your leap day ^__^

off to work i go!
Say Meh

Monday, December 31st, 2007

Subject:Fuck him... (2007) Fuck you... (2008)
Time:2:05 pm.
Mood: calm.
Read more...Collapse )
2 peoples say meh| Say Meh

Tuesday, October 30th, 2007

Time:8:09 pm.
Mood: amused.
well hot damn, an earthquake.... and mr. sufi monkey thought i was trippin...pfft.
Say Meh

Tuesday, July 24th, 2007

Subject:man...how awesome is that..
Time:10:32 pm.
Mood: amused.
so ok, i'm doing my run of the mill drive home from the job right?

so i look over...at this civic on the freeway and i see this repeative motion with a guy driving...i'm like oh no, is that what i think it is?

i got close enough after catching up to his speed since he changed it...and sure enough...i got a good look and it was the back of some broads head...hair in a bun...going to town on that.

and i'm thinking, man this guy is a total G, not to mention, no one else noticed but me...so i gave him his props...threw the dome light on and gave him thumbs up...and a shocker out the window.

then as i got off the freeway, he turned his light on and returned the thumbs up...

i've been talking about this for years...seeing some crazy shit at night on the freeways, low and be fucking hold, there it goes...right before my very eyes.

definately awesome...i'm sure there's at least one person reading this would agree.

seeing as he was going about 75 or faster...and being super calm about it like its cool. if i could question him, the only thing i'd ask is if he pulled it off on a backroad...

i know i have...
1 people say meh| Say Meh

Sunday, July 15th, 2007

Subject:whackedoutsports.com
Time:1:26 am.
Mood: amused.
in the mist of being up at this time of morning...i was watching whacked out sports...

and well, they are showing 'whacked out women' when they started showing a skater girl vid...

tell me why it was the villa villa cola skater girls.

i'm sure that name means something to mel, mr. wendell and yours truly since we were a part of their skater video.

i was the setup...mel and dell were the faces of the project. atta boy guys, mucho love to the husky.

here's the video of the husky gents and watch the other links if you are a fan of skater girls with style and humor.....

Say Meh

Sunday, June 10th, 2007

Subject:so...to brooke aka pumkin...
Time:10:28 pm.
Mood: amused.
baby girl...

you cute...but you's a ho.

if anyone knows where a white girl like that is in my area, hit me up ya'll.
Say Meh

Tuesday, May 29th, 2007

Subject:fanime Con 2007
Time:12:39 am.
Mood: sore.
my experience at fanimecon 2007 can be summed up in two words.

Blame Ebner.

and for once, i wasn't on the short end of the stick. quite choice. man my body's sore...i'm gonna go lay down for 2 days...
2 peoples say meh| Say Meh

Thursday, May 24th, 2007

Subject:*ahem* an announcement for the whole world.
Time:1:19 am.
Mood: naughty.
ITS MY BIRTHDAY BITCHES!

that is all
7 peoples say meh| Say Meh

LiveJournal for Hanzo Hattori.

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